Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
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Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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