so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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