so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
