Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
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You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
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also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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