Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
