he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
