Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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