Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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