dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just blew my weed a kiss
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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