I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I deserve this hangover.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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