New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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