Umm I'm too high to move.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
