it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
