the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
