are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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