Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
