Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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