So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
