There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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