i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
