This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
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she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.