I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
hahahahaha turkey breast
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
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You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease