So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.