Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come