just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning