he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
