did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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