Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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