well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
