when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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