If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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