imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Found the puke drawer
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
