you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
