I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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