I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
