Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
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There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
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They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize