none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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