I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
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Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.