the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.