Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"