I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..