I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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