I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
