So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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