My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
