I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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