reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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