She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
