Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
