take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
