you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
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In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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