I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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