It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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