He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
