hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
