new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
