that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
