he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
