I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
