dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
