I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
