I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
