i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
