Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Can you bring me the toilet please
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
