I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Panties = found
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