he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
