Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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