Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
