Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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