He told me they were just razor bumps!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
