if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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