some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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