He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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