Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
