U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
