Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
