you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
