You made me cry and you don't even care
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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