he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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