Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
