I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
how drunk are you?
Several
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
