absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
