It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
